Love Planes To Heaven
by Moonlight and Midnight
Summary: Lily likes James, James likes Lily, what stunts will the rest of the Maurader crew pull to get them together? A one chapter funny fic, please R/R!!!!


Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot. Which I might add I think is pretty darn good.

Hello this is a very funny fic that I wrote while in a slump with my other story. I like it, and just so this is clear I have nothing against gays, lesbians or others because it is mentioned in my story. Also I have a friend who is gay so I mean no offense and I'm sorry if you take it that way.

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Love Planes to Heaven

Lily quietly sat in Potions, her worst subject, no not that she was failing the class in fact that she was top in the subject, but it just so happened she hated that class. It was taught by the most horrid man that walked the face of the planet. Professor Letrish. He hated Gryffindors, that was the house she was in, and adored and favored the other house with whom she had potions. The Slytherins, they were evil conniving and most of the dark witches and wizards came from that house. In that particular sixth year potions room were two groups, the first were the marauders.

There was Remus, he was kind and sweet but if you looked into his pale blue eyes that almost resembled gray you could see the mischief that lay inside. He was a trouble maker through and through and that's what made him a marauder. The next marauder was Sirius, of course goofy, temperamental Sirius. The thick headed idiot who had tried to turn her hair ecstatic blue only to learn that she had anticipated it and put on a reflecting charm which in turn left him with the blue hair. Then there was Peter he was shy and kind of pudgy didn't really talk much he was kind of strange in Lily's opinion. Last but not least was the unofficial leader, James Harold Potter. Oh my god yes, James, James what a heavenly name! Every time she heard or thought of his name ugh she went completely week at the knees. She had crushed over him since third year when he saved her from Lucious Malfoy by dropping a huge vat of warm goats milk on him. It was so romantic.

Anyway back to where she was going, the second group consisted of Lucious Malfoy, the boy who looked like a drowned rat with bleached hair. Then there was Snape the greasy haired git, maybe one of these days she should introduce him to a nice bottle of herbal essences. Nah, she wouldn't even get close enough to give it to him. Every one knew he was a homosexual even though he would never admit it, the little pink hand bag he carried with him certainly implied so. Then there was Narcissa Leroy, platinum blonde who happened to be the most anorexic girl to walk the face of the earth. Then the two who no one knew anything about, Crabbe and Goyle the only two traits she could think to use for them were quiet and stupid. Together they were the most evil, conniving, and inexplicit group of people ever to roam the halls of Hogwarts. 

Professor Letrish kept talking and talking droning on the same sentence it seemed to Lily that he kept saying the same thing only rearranging the words every time he said it. Over at the other end of the classroom there was a little bit of a different situation going on. Lily tried to crane her neck to see but was suddenly scared off by James Potter looking her straight in the face. She reluctantly went back to writing notes but found it difficult considering that he used the same words each time. In the end Lily decided to ignore what he was saying and take his words and just try and order them in as many different ways as possible that made sense. Later she would compare the notes with her friend Carla and see just how close she came to writing what he spoke.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~On the other side of the room~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(an: for this scene I will be using J-James, S-Sirius, P-Peter, R-Remus)

James sat and looked at the perfect specimen of a woman sitting in the second row to the front. Her red hair half up and half down. Ahh, a vision of beauty. Then he noticed some more comments being added to his piece of enchanted parchment that allowed him to write notes to his friends. He just decided to sit and watch for a moment.

R-So, how long has it been now?

S-About oh I'd say twenty minutes.

P-Twenty one minutes three seconds.

R-…

S-Thank you for that astute observation Peter. 

R-Where is he!?

S-Dunno let me see. ~Sirius looks around at James and notices him staring intently at his parchment. Deciding to be devious he wrote~ You know what, he just stopped staring at her and guess what, she's staring at him now.

~James quickly shot his head up "Wha?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Back to the other side of the room~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily shot her head up she had been staring at her paper for the last five minutes then she and apparently the rest of the class heard what sounded like someone saying 'Wha?' from the other side of the room. She glanced up and saw James with a very stupid look on his face as Letrish glared at him, only to return to his lesson. As soon as he turned his back James promptly smacked Sirius up the head. _What in the world was that all about? _wondered Lily as she went back to decoded her Professor's ramblings.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~James' side of the room~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

J-You moron! You almost got me slaughtered by the beast.

S-Well you were staring! Didn't your mother every tell you its not polite to stare?

R-Why don't you just ask her out for crying out loud! The entire free world knows she fancies you. How is it you don't see it? 

P-Maybe you should clean your glasses. 

~Sirius took Letrish's turned back as his cue to reach up and take his friends glasses from him. Then proceeded to spit in a spare cloth and begin to clean his friends spectacles. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Lily's side of the room~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Eww! What is that twit up to? That is so gross he just spit on James' glasses. Mental noted to self if ever I get a chance to kiss James stay away from his specs._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~James' side of the room~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

J-Padfoot you git give those back I can't see!

R-We could tell when you started to jumble up your words and started to write in a slant.

J-Yes, I am wearing pants you pervert!

R-No, no you don't understand YOU STARTED TO WRITE ON A SLANT!

J-Eww, you wanna do what with a plant!?

R-Padfoot give the man his specs as you can see he needs them.

S-Hold on I cant get this one spot off, maybe if I rub a little harder… *Crack* Uh-oh.

P-What did you do now?

S-Uh… 

~James hearing a crack quickly and blindly snatched his glasses from Sirius and put them on. Only to see that his left lens was cracked and looked like it would shatter any second.~

S-Uh, please don't hurt me.

P-Oh no Remus, what is he doing?

R-Well that would be what happens when James gets angry, normal people just count to ten and take deep breathes. James however puts his hands over his ears and hums 'I'm a little tea pot' he says it helps him let off 'steam'. Hehe I made a joke.

~James promptly covers his ears and begins to hum the merry tune~

P-(looks at James weirdly and manages to scribble an answer on the parchment) Oh.

S-Tell yeah what James I'll get you and Lily together if you stop uh doing what your doing and not be mad anymore. 

J-(looks up calm and relaxed) Really? How are you going to do that?

S-Like this. 

~Sirius begins to take out a regular piece of parchment and begins to write on it. 

Dear Lily,

How are you? Might I say you look lovely today. Yes, well I was wondering would you go our with James Harold Potter? Please write your response and send it back via airmail.

Sincerely yours,

Sirius Black

Sirius folded up the note into a paper airplane and took out the time to write along the side a name, The Loveplane (an: wow wonder where he got that from?) before sending it soaring toward Lily, only it never reached its destination. It was swept out the window and down to Hogwarts grounds.

S-Dang! Oh well just have to make another one.

J-Hurry man! The suspense is killing me, every second without her makes my heart die a little.

Sirius stared at James with a sickening look then pulled out another piece of parchment and wrote down the same content as the first had. Then folded it into a plane once more and wrote on the side, The LoveplaneII before sending it in flight once more. Only this time it didn't fly out the window where it landed was worse. It had landed in someone's cauldron. Sirius almost died when he saw who had taken it out.

Snape pulled the strange letter out of the cauldron. _Someone has poor aim, _he thought silently. He read the letter in silence there was a smudge on the name but the rest was fine. He read the contents then let out a squeal of delight. James Potter his long time crush was asking him out! And Sirius Black said he looked nice! 

James was hyperventilating while Sirius sat and stared at Snape waiting for any sign of movement from the receiving party. His worst fears were assumed when suddenly Snape turned around looked at James batted his eyelashes and blew him a kiss then nodded his head and turned around to once again to work at his cauldron. James looked in disbelief, then fainted.

Professor Letrish didn't notice his unconscious student due to an important owl coming through the window. "I shall return in a moment until then Bertha Jorkins you will be monitoring the classroom. The rest of you finish your potions!" and with that he stormed out of the room. 

James woke up groggily then stood up walked over to Sirius and began to strangle him. 

"I'll…fix…it…can't…breath…can't…breath!" struggled Sirius as he tried to pry James off him. 

"Fix it now!" bellowed James releasing his friend from his death grip.

"Ok, ok don't have a snake that would definitely turn Snape on to you more," said Sirius as he constructed another letter. With the same contents as the first two. Then folded it into an airplane and wrote on the side, The LoveplaneIII. Then kissed it for luck and was just about to launch it into the air when someone grabbed his wrist. 

"Maybe it would be better if I took it over to her personally," said Remus taking the letter from his hand and walking it over to Lily. He gave it to her and smiled, turned around and headed back to his seat. 

James was having trouble breathing she unfolded the letter so slowly!! James was about to run over and show her how to unfold the note. But then he noticed she had finally gotten it open. She looked it over then wrote a reply on the parchment turned and nodded to James. 

J-Padfoot you're my best friend.

S-I know.

R-What about Snape?

S-Oh don't worry I had Lily do something for me with the letter. You see she wrote a reply only it was not addressed to us.

J,P,&R-Huh?

Then as if the question was answered Lily launched the plane into the air and it headed straight at… Snape? 

S-I had her say yes to you but then send it back to Snape so he realizes the first note was directed to her. 

J,P&R-Ohhh.

The plane crash landed into Snape's hair and was stuck like that for a while before Malfoy helped him untangle it from the grease and Snape read it silently. Just then Letrish returned and was proceeding down the aisle toward his desk when he was run over by a hysteric Snape running with his pink handbag in tow. 

"Seeing how I now need to attend the infirmary. You have the rest of the class off," said a very shaken Professor as he left the room.

James walked over to where Lily was and sat next to her and the two began to make plans for their first date.

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Well there it is my chapter wonder!! Please review and let me know what you think. If I get good reviews I may pick up with the same characters as this one and make a karaoke fic. But that all depends on you guys so please please review!!!


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